Let's Talk About It

I don’t have a lot of rules in life these days, just seems to get in the way of the general enjoyment of things.  But one thing that I do feel really strongly about seems to be more and more prevalent within our social structure: not talking about things that really matter.  This has really become personally highlighted as talking is such an important part of the relationship I’m in these days that it’s just glaring when I see it otherwise.

In this age of email, texts, and social media I think we’ve forgotten that so much of communication is non-verbal, and so often what is written leaves much to interpretation.  Now if you’re in flirt mode with your sig other, no worries.  At the worst your incredible level of passion may be downplayed a little, with little room for error or faux pas.  But when the discussion turns to things of a more serious nature that’s when I call in The Big Rule:

You have to have actual discussions
 – very preferably in person -
with a phone call as a last resort.

In recent times I’ve seen relationships break up, controversial subjects debated, and critical personal issues relayed over said emails, texts, blogs, and notes, and the result is almost guaranteed that it’s not going to be what is desired by either party.  Add in that many times the problem lies as much with the sender’s ability to effectively broadcast their message as much as how it’s received by the reader, and the recipe for disaster is set at 350F, bake for 20 minutes, and serve piping pissed off.  (Add in a late night and some booze for added pizzazz.)

Why do we do this?  I think two main things – convenience and avoidance.  No one wants to have these difficult discussions, so why not take the easy way out?  (Not that I’m a fan or anything, but THE best example I know of this is Sex and the City’s infamous “Break Up by Post It Note” scene)  And how much more convenient can it be than to just whip out the old blackberry and thumb something prosaic?  No need for sweaty palms and pits when 160 characters of text will “accurately" get that message across…

So here’s my simple solution: if it’s positive and fun, communicate any damn way you want to.  But if the subject is really important, take out as many barriers as you can, meet in a neutral place, and talk it out face-to-face.  Step away from the technology…  You may not like the answer or the situation, but in the long run you’ll be glad you did.  Ciao for now – Cb…