Fear: a feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm caused by impending danger, pain, etc.
This time tomorrow, God willing and a steady surgeon’s hand, I’ll be in the recovery room here at a local hospital enjoying the after effects of some heavy sedation. I told y’all about Operation #5 recently, and while the perspective I gained from that hasn’t changed, Kristi has noted that it seems I’m approaching this in a different tone.
I’m not concerned about the actual surgery. As things go it’s basically yet another complete hernia operation, out with the old (mesh) and in with the new (mesh 2.0). But it has been disconcerting that my doc has told me that of the five operations, the cancer surgery being the worst, this one will be the second worst (OK, he used “2nd biggest” but his message was clear – potato, potahto). And then there’s the whole having a mini shop vac attached literally at the hip with a tube in me for 2-3 weeks. Yes, I know it’s for my own good in the long run, but what the hell is that, and what’s it going to be like?
Because that’s what’s weirding me out – the unknown. Will I be able to function in normal life during this time frame? Attend class, go to work, go for long walks on the beach at sunset, or play the violin? The answer is probably yes to all, save for the fact that there isn’t a beach in Austin nor do I know how to play said violin… but I don’t know about the other stuff yet.
So while I am upbeat about the process and the rare opportunity to enjoy some classic hospital food, there’s that fear of the unknown that keeps popping up like a prairie dog, wanting to know what’s what and to get it the hell over with. I’ll have plenty of answers around this time tomorrow, but until then, it’s still an interesting trip into the unknown zone. Ciao for now, see you after the recovery room! – Cb…