Entering into the Unknown

Fear: a feeling of distress, apprehension, or alarm caused by impending danger, pain, etc.

This time tomorrow, God willing and a steady surgeon’s hand, I’ll be in the recovery room here at a local hospital enjoying the after effects of some heavy sedation.  I told y’all about Operation #5 recently, and while the perspective I gained from that hasn’t changed, Kristi has noted that it seems I’m approaching this in a different tone.

I’m not concerned about the actual surgery.  As things go it’s basically yet another complete hernia operation, out with the old (mesh) and in with the new (mesh 2.0).  But it has been disconcerting that my doc has told me that of the five operations, the cancer surgery being the worst, this one will be the second worst (OK, he used “2nd biggest” but his message was clear – potato, potahto).  And then there’s the whole having a mini shop vac attached literally at the hip with a tube in me for 2-3 weeks.  Yes, I know it’s for my own good in the long run, but what the hell is that, and what’s it going to be like?

Because that’s what’s weirding me out – the unknown.  Will I be able to function in normal life during this time frame?  Attend class, go to work, go for long walks on the beach at sunset, or play the violin?  The answer is probably yes to all, save for the fact that there isn’t a beach in Austin nor do I know how to play said violin…  but I don’t know about the other stuff yet.

So while I am upbeat about the process and the rare opportunity to enjoy some classic hospital food, there’s that fear of the unknown that keeps popping up like a prairie dog, wanting to know what’s what and to get it the hell over with.  I’ll have plenty of answers around this time tomorrow, but until then, it’s still an interesting trip into the unknown zone.  Ciao for now, see you after the recovery room! – Cb…

Round 5: Perspective

Not the best of news I was hoping for… After 4 abdominal ops, 1 for cancer back in the day and 3 for subsequent related hernias, another op is on the schedule in a a couple of weeks.  To reiterate: It is NOT cancer, but is a result of the old cancer treatment… and I’ve been told to expect it to be “bigger” than ones previous.  Great.

In a nutshell my body doesn’t really like the composite mesh used to reinforce the herniated muscle wall and an infection has set in.  Not life threatening, but definitely annoying and in need of treatment, that treatment being the entire removal of said mesh and a new biological one inserted.  So far I’m all good with it, walk in, limp out, same day- been there, wanna see the scars?

Then my doc told me that in order to speed healing / get the best result I would have to spend the night in the hospital (not a fan) and that for 2-3 weeks would use a “Wound Vac” - what’s that, you say?  So did I.  As I understand it, it’s a fanny pack sized device that keeps draining fluids from the area 24/7.  More importantly it can speed up the healing process by as much as 50%.  So if you need your floor mats cleaned or drapes dusted, I’m your guy.  And I don’t know why this is all bothering me so much, but it is.

And then I got an email from my great friend Sally:

Help

I have a dear friend whose mother has just been diagnosed this week with breast cancer and they are at a loss as to the best rec’s for docs.

So after visiting my doc and getting my news this morning, I spent some time compiling a list of trusted resources for them.  And then it hit me: I’m going to be fine, guaranteed, by April 22 or so.  Yes, I’m going to be sore and inconvenienced, but that’s about it.  These people are in the fight of their lives and don’t even know who to turn to, let alone their outcome.  What the hell am I complaining about?

It was some perspective I needed and will recall whenever I start feeling a little sorry for myself.  And maybe I’ll finally get that tummy tuck as a bonus – 5^th time’s a charm, right?  Ciao for now – Cb…